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Ditch the New Year's Resolutions

Another year comes to an end and many are likely putting lots of pressure on themselves to meet a bunch of timelines of personal goals that they have been carrying with them year after year. Don't get me wrong....personal goals are great and get us to move the needle but often times we become laser focused on our failure to meet goals that we lose the big picture. We all know that eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep etc. etc is good for us but why is it that so many have a difficult time putting it into practice? For me, THAT should be the focus. So what do I mean by this? In short, I believe that we have lost the ability to truly and fully connect to others....our families, our coworkers, our community. If we improve in that area, we will be more likely to have increased joy, happiness and inner peace in our lives which will likely have an impact on our drive to meet those other goals that we've had in our luggage of New Year's resolutions......and isn't that the ultimate New Year's resolution? Below are some ideas on how to get there:

1. Stay in the moment.

We all sometimes seek to avoid uncomfortable situations, either by physically removing ourselves or checking out mentally. “That’s normal … it’s just that when you do that very chronically and habitually, it could develop into significant problems with anxiety and depression,” says psychologist Brandon Gaudiano, an associate professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island. Experts recommend practicing mindfulness instead to help deal with difficult circumstances and emotions. “It’s paying attention to the present moment and what your experience is,” says Gaudiano, noting that approaches vary. “Bringing awareness, acceptance, self-compassion, curiosity and just noticing non-judgmentally those internal experiences as they’re arising.”

2. Keep a journal.

Just as mindfulness can help a person recognize and cope with difficult thoughts and emotions in the moment, experts say it’s important to have outlets to process complex experiences. Journaling, or expressive writing, allows a person to put negative thoughts, feelings, aspirations and anything else that might be going through their mind to paper – and, Gaudiano says, to get some mental distance from those experiences. “It has been [shown to be] very helpful in some of the research I’ve done as well for [addressing] anxiety and depression,” he says.

3. Stay socially connected.

Social support plays a vital role in helping optimize our overall mental well-being, Klitzman says. He recommends “surrounding ourselves with supportive people – loving friends and family – and avoiding, if we can, ‘difficult’ people who may bring us down.” By contrast, a lack of social connectivity can put us at risk for health problems that affect body and mind and contribute to premature death. “Lack of socialization is … the leading cause of geriatric depression,” Bhati says.

4. Prioritize – and schedule – positivity.

Pay bills, do work, spin wheels. Check, check, check. Lunch with a friend? Not on the list. “Basically when people make their 'to-do' list, they are often thinking of achievement, as opposed to scheduling something in their day that they know is a boost to their positive emotions and their mood,” Fredrickson says. But her own research finds those who prioritize positivity, such as allotting time to visit loved ones or engage in a beloved hobby, tend to be mentally healthier.

5. Assess your stress.

Avoiding high levels of stress and finding ways to cope can make a big difference. “Many times, we can actively avoid difficult, stressful situations,” Klitzman says, When we can’t, “framing our experiences positively, and trying not to worry (especially about things you can’t change) can also be beneficial – focusing on the positive, not stewing about the bad things that may occur.” Under such circumstances, he adds: “Mindfulness – relaxation or meditation – can also help.”

6. Find purpose.

Just as making time to visit with friends can change the complexion of a day, mental health experts say doing something meaningful and finding purpose can ground a person in psychologically beneficial ways. “Engaging in activities that give us meaning in our lives can further aid us,” says Klitzman, in terms of improving mental health. That might include volunteering to help others, engaging in hobbies as well as doing other things we enjoy, he adds. Bhati echoes that doing things with a sense of purpose or meaning is a proven way to improve mental health.

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